Chapter 1: "Allah itu sayang sama Rahma"

Life has been......a little harsh on me these days. I would complain and complain and complain, every minute, every single day.

I don't know. It just felt like there's this huge ball of feeling inside my chest. Whenever I saw someone being happy, I'd feel sad and say to myself "you know, you're not doing anything while she's something to the world!". 

And, sometimes, I was ashamed for thinking that way, because most of the time, it was my own friends' happiness that I'd hate.

So, I started reading this psychological book for Muslim's girls. Well, it's just an ordinary book. But, my knowledge about my religion is getting bigger. And, I just realised that being sad for what life gives you is a waste of time, because maybe you are meant to be hurt in the world and Allah will exchange your suffering with something that is a lot better than the world, a place by His side in heaven. We, humans, don't know that. If you really look at the world, humans are clueless of what's going to happen in the future. Why are you being sad when you have two perfect legs, two perfect hands, a nose, a mouth, two eyes, two ears, a heart, a pair of lungs, and everything like a normal human being? There are people out there who play soccer with a wheelchair, or paint with mouth. And, they still live! They are grateful. So, why am I being sad?

So, yes, my life is not perfect. No one ever has a perfect life. Everyone has their own destiny. This is mine. I should be grateful even more.

If you have problem, go to God. Tell him what you really feel. He'll probably give you what you want, or he won't. It doesn't matter. Just believe that He knows what's best for you and that's what you're going to get someday, maybe not now. Everything's going to be beautiful in the end.

Now, I feel even more mature. I feel selfless. I know who I'm going to turn to when I'm down. I know what I'm going to do when I'm sad. I just have to believe that whatever happens, well, it is for the best of me.

I'm probably not the happy person every single time you meet me. I still complain, a lot, and sometimes I'm ashamed of that. But I know I'll get through this.

I am grateful.